My Selfish Ex-Friendship

“The most miserable people are those who

care only about themselves,

understand only their own troubles,

and see only their own perspective.”

-Unknown

I have finally come to the realization that selfish self-centered individuals really irk me! Like I seriously just don’t get it. They see absolutely nothing wrong with their actions and it’s really sickening to me!

Never have I been the one to have numerous female friends and I can clearly see why. I fucking hate women and their pettiness and I try so hard to be the “bigger” person but that gets you nowhere when you’re dealing with a selfish and childish adult.

Caring about losing friends has never affected me as much as this one. I usually could give two fucks about “wishy-washy” folks but this has me beyond BOTHERED! And it’s funny because I’m a real ass person and I can admit that. Experiencing a “good friend” so selfish to the highest degree has to be one of the worst friendship occurrences ever. And it’s simply because they truly don’t see their issues from others perspectives. Everything just has to be about them and they can’t be held accountable for anything and unfortunately life just doesn’t work like that in the REAL world.

I don’t see how you can go from hanging out with someone damn near every other day- hitting up the local nightclubs, going on scenic walks in city parks, strolling malls and shops, visiting random restaurants using Maps- to just HATRED! And this isn’t a “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship I’m referring to but a TRUE FRIENDSHIP!

Normally it wouldn’t but it bothers me the most because I valued this friendship from the bottom of my heart. She was there for me when I needed a friend the most in 2017. I was in a state of extreme major depression. In a deep blackened dark place in my life. I had just attempted suicide by crashing my car. I didn’t want to get out of my bed. I would watch the phone calls and text messages pile up without returning any of them. I did not want to be in existence anymore but she practically “saved” me. That is something I could never take away from her because during those moments I was thankful for her and her presence.

She got me out of the bed when I didn’t want to get out. She took me out of my comfort zone. She listened to me when I needed another pair of ears. She kept a smile on my face most of the time when she wasn’t being selfish. She never judged me and I appreciated that. We both kept it real with each other and you don’t see that too often with friendships these days. I mean things were cool with us. Although I’ve had the same best friend since the 6th grade, we hang out so much everyone thought we were best friends. Which technically you could say that to an extent.

One thing I did not like about her was the fact that she wasn’t too educated with my mental illnesses. I made it clear multiple times before and after we started to hang out so there wouldn’t be any misinterpretations within my “mood swings.” I never wanted her to take anything within my mental health issues personal and she was okay with that- for a while. I never had any issues with my best friend or any other friend giving me backlash for being in my “dark hole” so this was something new to deal with. Everyone has always been able to understand me except for her.

She couldn’t understand the fact that my body just randomly shuts down and causes me to not want to do anything. She couldn’t understand that the current issues in my life were stressing me out to the max and I couldn’t just brush it off like “normal” people. She couldn’t understand that I had to force myself out of bed numerous times to hang out with her. She couldn’t understand that I don’t always have an appetite for food. She couldn’t understand that I don’t always like being around people. She couldn’t understand that major depression, anxiety, and PTSD is something that I battle every single day of my life and I tend to lose most days. She couldn’t understand I tried to stay active and consistent with our festivities but I couldn’t keep up and needed a break.

But even with her being aware of my health she would  go onto social media and make subliminal posts in regards to friendships. I mean then I should have probably cut the friendship but I would ask her about it and get bullshit answers.

Yes, at the beginning I was okay with always hanging out and partying but sometimes people need a break from that lifestyle. I happen to be one of those individuals. I couldn’t stand to keep seeing the same annoying drunk people every damn weekend, listening to the same played out music, being in the same crowded and sweaty clubs, etc. That wasn’t my lifestyle but I would go to make her happy. I’ve always been called a “grandma” due to my lack of going out. I rather stay home and craft stuff all night instead of partying and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. So why was it as if I had committed some sort of crime? To me life is more than just “turning up” but apparently not to others.

Her selfishness would take place when she acted as if the world revolved around her. Like if I were feeling down she’d get an attitude because I didn’t want to hang out. One thing I hated is that she would take her precious sweet time when it would be time for us to hangout. She would be inconsiderate and on her own time but I was late ONE time and she had the nerve to catch an attitude with me. Ummm… I just couldn’t take her serious after that but I brushed it off.

I will never forget the time she deleted all of our pictures from her social media accounts. That really blew me because I knew she was petty but I didn’t think she was that petty to someone she considered a close friend. Long story short- I waited on her for THREE fucking hours when we had planned to go to a nightclub. At this point I no longer wanted to hangout so I told her never mind because it was already too late and I had to work the next day. She then had the nerve to tell me that we wouldn’t be talking for a long time because I wasted her time! Her exact words, “You should have told me you didn’t want to go anywhere before I got dress. You wasted my valuable time I could have been spending with my mom or boyfriend.” Talk about blownnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn?!

I literally was blown like seriously!

I felt some type of way because I was in disbelief that she was serious. She was willing to throw away a friendship for her inconsideration! That really made me value my friendship with my best friend because we never get into arguments. But hey, if that’s how other women handle their friendships, so be it. I tried to “save” the friendship but there was no saving it.

We didn’t speak for about three weeks before I texted her to make sure her court date went well. Surprisingly she responded that everything went well and she broke the news that she was pregnant after recently beginning her relationship. I was happy for her because she was happy. Now me personally, I was not going to try to take things back how they once were because I was tired of the “wishy-washyselfish and pettiness.

You just can’t be in a friendship that causes you to basically be walking on eggshells– at least I know I won’t. I valued our friendship but not that damn much. A few weeks later we did end up hanging out a few more times until Easter 2018.

We were supposed to be hanging out when she got off. It’s Easter, people are spending time with their families and having amazing dinners. She literally got upset because I told her I didn’t care what we did I just didn’t want to go out to eat. Who would have known that would have ended the friendship for good? I was just baffled at her response because I didn’t understand what the issue was. She no longer wanted to hangout but I had already canceled fun plans to hangout with her and she saw nothing wrong with that! Blahhhh…

Some people would use her pregnancy as an excuse but pregnancies and menstrual cycles will never get a “pass” for being selfish with me. I don’t care about no damn hormones and mood swings because I never catch attitudes with my close friends and neither do they. And if we’ve ever had an issue about something we would talk it out like ADULTS and leave it at that. That’s what real fucking friends do!

Even after recently trying to talk to her like an adult I have come to realize her level of maturity is slim to zero on a scale of ten. I mean clearly but she really is a true example of immature. I would always wonder why she didn’t have girlfriends but I was able to experience it firsthand. Hopefully this baby will help her change her selfish and petty ways.

I will never regret our fun times together because I cherished those moments. I can only hope for the best for her, her future and unborn child.

 

 

 

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