Her Darkness

-A special dedication to “Her” and women with self-esteem issues. Find your inner beauty, happiness and be free in your own skin. You are beautiful and never let anyone else tell you otherwise.
-CeeandtheHoot

In my eyes she is gorgeous. Her beauty is extremely natural and pure. Her perfectly clear and glowing skin looks amazing. Her sparkling brown eyes with a pinch of “chink“. Her long natural curly hair that gives so much life. Her teeth and a smile that will brighten up any room. Her exciting goals that I know she will be able to accomplish sooner than she thinks. Her endless love for me and uplifting advice and wisdom when I need it the most. She is everything to me even though she’s in a world of darkness. But, her darkness is what scares me the most.

She’s been in a dark place for the longest now. She doesn’t see her beauty on the outside and it bothers her and me as well. Although her hair is naturally filled with the most defined coils, it isn’t big enough for her and the shrinkage causes it to appear way shorter than it is. She rarely exposes her hair and most women would kill to have it! She disapproves of the appearance of her body and it causes her to feel overweight and ugly. She has a low self-esteem and she shouldn’t. She hasn’t quite succeeded as quickly as she intended years ago so she views herself as a failure. She tries and tries to be everything she wants to be but it seems as though that is becoming impossible. And no matter how much I tell her how beautiful, amazing, or gorgeous she is, she doesn’t believe it and that hurts me to my heart. She feels alone while being surrounded with love. Eventually she no longer knows what to do anymore so she gives up.

She’s hopeless at this point and it’s taking a toll on her. She begins to get curious about “ways out“. She contemplates suicide and thinks of numerous ways to act on it. I talk her out of it each time because I know she will soon feel better. She’s constantly feeling down causing her to become depressed. Feeling as though there’s no way to escape this darkness. I beg and encourage her to stay as positive as possible- easier said than done. She tries but in reality, it doesn’t work. She’s done and now it’s time to act on it. She can’t take it anymore and searches hard for relief. But will she really ever be fully relieved? She finally finds it and it changes her life. But does it change her for the better or worse?

The soothing sense of freedom she’s experiencing. She’s numb but it feels good to her. It relaxes and calms her giving the best affection she’s had in a while. It’s comforting and just what she’s been missing. All of her worries have vanished for the moment. Not knowing her troubles will return she becomes addicted. The feeling is just temporarily but it is worth it. She’s able to escape but it doesn’t last long so she continues. She begins once a month and that turns into once a week which then leads to everyday. She’s hooked but still able to maintain her daily tasks. It’s causing her to disconnect from the outside. Causing her to disconnect from her family and friends but she doesn’t realize it. She’s now in a “new world” she can’t escape because it’s what she’s been needing.

I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her and I don’t want her to ever forget that. I don’t want her to be lost and tangled into this “new world” anymore. I need her to understand that. I know it’s tough to exit but I need her more than anything. She is beyond important to me and so many others and I know she will see this soon. The darkness will end and soon she’ll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

♥♥I love you and don’t you ever forget it ♥♥

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